Letter's from Mommy

In 2016, we began writing letters every so often to Baby H. It has been a great way to bring comfort and peace to the situation, and I know one day it will be special to go back and read them together. So, today, I wanted to write my first "blog" letter to share with all of you! These are intimate and personal, so sharing them is very special.


Baby H,
     We are going on 2 1/2 years of waiting for you! It has been the hardest time of my entire life. However, your mommy has grown so much during this time. I know the Lord has given me an overwhelming desire to be a mom, so we are waiting on his perfect timing. I know that you will be special and such a sweet addition to our family. I dream of the day when I find out of your existence. I can not wait to fill you turn flips in my belly. Your daddy wants a boy first, but I know that if you were a girl, he would learn how truly special it is to have a "daddy's girl". I often wonder if I will learn of your existence, now, 5 years from now, or longer. It is hard not knowing, but last night while in the tub, I was reminded of the Lord's provision in our lives. As I look back on our life and marriage, he has directed every step! I know that he is making a way for your arrival, and we are so excited.
 
      I pray often for your health, life, and salvation. The Lord knows you already, and that is what gives mommy peace and joy through the hard times. I am excited to watch you grow, and see the Lord use you for his purpose. I pray for your obedience to him often, and that you would not allow the world to be your guide. The Lord has been so good to us, and I know he will be so good to your too. The Lord has put some incredible people in my life to love, encourage, and pray for me and your daddy through this time.

    There are a couple of people I want to introduce you to. They are all praying and waiting for you. These people love you dearly already and can not wait to meet you and watch you grow.


Meet Granddaddy and Gran-C

     Your Granddaddy was the first man mommy ever loved. Granddaddy is mommy's daddy. Granddaddy LOVES his family, motorcycles, and CHRISTMAS!!! Now, when you see him, he looks kinda intimidating. Don't be afraid, he is just a big teddy bear! I can not wait to see the sweet bond that you two will have! I see a lot of motorcycle rides and Christmas movies in your future!

     Gran-C is mommy's "step" mom legally, but I do not use that term. Gran-C was God's gift to my life. Instead of having one mom, I have two. Gran-C is quite, country, and known for her RED hair. She LOVES the word Precious, and I am sure she will tell you that a lot!! Granddaddy and Gran-C met in High School, but they waited like 20 years to get married haha!We love our Gran-C for a lot of reason, but she gave me the little sister I always wanted. Your Aunt Mary Grace was 5 when I met her. She is now 18!!!! I will tell you all about her shortly!


Nana and Papa

     Your Nana is my BEST FRIEND! She is an extremely hard worker and can sing like the angels. She loves people well and is the depiction (woops big word) of the GRACE of Jesus. She sings on the Church praise team with your papa.

     Your Papa is a simple man. He loves to fish, sing and play guitar. The first time I met him, he played guitar and sang with Nana! They are literally perfect for each other. Your papa loves me like his own, and trust me... he will love you the same way!

Uncle Danny and "Chelle"

       Danny and "Chelle" have lots of kiddos just like you! Uncle Danny has a big heart, and has always been super protective of your mama! They live in the town the mommy grew up in. I know you will have so much fun playing with all of your cousins!

    

Uncle Chase and Aunt Georgia

      Your Uncle Chase is a trip! He extremely automated and can not stay still for long. He loves to fish, drive anything that goes fast, and watch TV. He's got a heart of gold and spent our childhood sticking up to people for me! He is a good guy!

      Your Aunt Georgia has been apart of the family for almost 3 years. Her and your Uncle Chase met at a pizza place they worked at when they were younger. She is always happy and loves to shop! ESPECIALLY for little munchkins like you!

Aunt Mary Grace

     Your Aunt Mary Grace is on edge ready to be an Aunt. She LOVES babies, art, and musical instruments. She works at the same daycare I worked at when I was her age! She is a lot of fun, so so sweet, and will be ecstatic when she finds out that you are going to make her an AUNT!

Nonna and Papa Donnie

     SPOILED, this is what you will be by your Nonna. You will always be dressed to the 9 as long as you are with her. She LOVES to shop. She will go crazy when you make your appearance. If you don't hurry up and come, we maybe carrying you shopping with us in her automatic wheelchair basket. We will attempt to find you at checkout under all the clothes! Nonna is going to come stay a few weeks with us when you are born. She is going to hold and feed you while momma and daddy gets some sleep, and I pray that she's up for cooking some of my favorite recipes of hers!

    Donnie is Granddaddy's daddy. He is HILARIOUS! He is a fantastic craftsman and griller. He helped momma make some beautiful décor for mama and daddy's wedding. He is SO talented in the woodworking area!  If he picks on you, he loves you. Here is a little tip, no pooting around him. He will put you out on the side of the hallway.

Aunt Margie and Uncle Jeff

     Some major tips you need to know... 1. No eye rolling. 2. We don't say fart, we say fluff. and lastly 3. Pearls always if you are a girl and if you are a boy, well, you will still have to learn to make her famous 12 layer chocolate cake. Oh my, I may feed it to you before your "suppose" to, its THAT good! She LOVES the Piano!! Maybe she will teach you how to play one day!

    Uncle Jeff is a sweet man and so good to your Aunt Margie. He loves to fish too!! If you haven't figured it out yet, you will be learning to fish in your future. He is a jokester! We love him just a little. If you tell him you like pickles, he will get you a jar every year for Christmas. If not, I am sure Aunt Mary Grace would share hers!

Papa T

    Papa T is FUNNY and LOUD! He keeps us laughing! He loves to fish....sound familiar? I am sure you will enjoy four wheeler rides, fishing trips, and good eating with your Papa T. Papa T drives a BIG truck, so he will have to take you to see it!

Mimi

     Mimi is daddy's mom. She has two dogs Abigail and Adeline. They are BIG babies. Abi will be REAL protective of you I am sure. Abi use to live with daddy before daddy moved to NC. She is a BIG and FLUFFY German Sheppard. Daddy trained her, and she is REALLY smart. Mimi lives 6 1/2 hours from us where your daddy grew up. She loves babies, so I am sure she will love you too.

Uncle JC

      Can you believe you have an uncle who is a KID!!! JUST LIKE YOU!! Uncle JC is ALL boy! He LOVES his mama, but he enjoys playing outside with all of his big kid toys. I am certain that he will love playing with you!

Aunt Laney

      Aunt Laney is ALL girl! She is sassy just like your mama! She is so tall and is growing up so fast. Aunt Laney is Uncle JC's sister. They fight just like your Uncle Chase and I use to when we were kids. They really do love each other.

Your daddy has a pretty big family, so I can not name them all, but I can tell you they are SO excited to meet you. You will be loved no doubt!!!

Our Church Family

    Since mama and daddy's immediate family is so far a way, we believe it is important to still live in community with others. Our church family is our NC family. They have been praying for you for over 2 years. They are a little crazy sometimes, but we love them! You will get to meet the crazy bunch one day, and I know you will love them as much as we do!

INTRODUCING: Our Little Storm

Hello. As you may have already read, My name is Lakin Herrin. I am married to an incredibly patient man:) He has graciously walked by my side through some of the darkest times in my life. I have prayed for over year about writing a blog this personal. I allowed fear and pride get in the way. I was scared of peoples opinions about our circumstance. Through lots of prayer and growth, I have decided to publically share our journey with infertility. Why? I know and understand that there are people out there that are in my shoes, and they are just scared to share their experience with others. I know that through sharing my journey, it will grant me the opportunity to impact the lives of others who are walking through this valley in their lives as well. This is uncomfortable for me and an extremely sensitive subject, but if this touches just one life, it is all worth it to me. So, here we are. This is the beginning of our story.

Jamin and I were married in August of 2014. We originally said that we would start trying between 3-5 years. A year into our marriage, we decided to come off of birth control, and whatever happened, happened. 6 months into our "not intentionally trying" journey, I began to question why I was not getting pregnant. I mean, we weren't trying, so why was I concerned. Even still, I began to think something was wrong with me. Fear, doubt, and worry began to creep in. What if something could be wrong? This was the beginning of a long journey.

Over the next 6 months, I began to intentionally track EVERYTHING. Boy, that was stressful. Jamin was still relax, and not concerned. He kept reminding me that "we were not trying." My response was, "we also aren't trying to prevent it, and nothing is happening". I want to preface these next few statements by saying, I am committed to being transparent throughout this blog. I will not mention peoples names to protect them, and I will not give extreme details to protect us and out marriage, but I do want to be real with you. That is why your reading this.

I soon would find out that 6 of my closest friends were pregnant. Jamin was not on board with us trying, and the months ahead would be some of the darkest in my lifetime. When we received the first phone call from my best friend, I was ok! I was excited for them, but I wanted that for us. I later stood in our church where I would learn that another one of my friends was pregnant after 4.5 years of trying. This one hit me. I experienced fear and hope all at the same time. I was so excited for them, but what if it took us that long. There was no way that I could wait that long to hold our baby in our hands. Shortly after, I would discover yet another friend was pregnant. I am not even sure I looked at her. I was numb. It was happening. This was the beginning of my anger with God. In small group shortly after learning of this news, more of our friends announced that they were having a baby. I remember going to bed that night sobbing. I then received a phone call from GA from a friend who I had just stood by her side at her wedding to inform me that they were pregnant. The phone got quiet. I didn't know what to say. My emotions were fighting against themselves. I knew in my head I was "suppose" to be excited for her. Walking down the street to my car, I continued to ask why. Why was this happening to us. It just was not fair. A month or so later, the last of the 6 walked up to me in church, and shared that she had something to tell me. I looked at her and said, "Your pregnant."

For the next 6 months, people walked on egg shells around me not knowing what to say. People would look at me with pity, and some people seemed not to care what I was going through. Throughout this time, I attended 6 of the 7 baby showers. I sat there miserable. It had absolutely nothing to do with them. Every gift that was picked out, I would imagine buying it for me own. I sat and listened to the complaints of being in pain, miserable, out of breath, swollen, sick, the list goes on, dreaming of being miserable if that meant I would be carrying our child. I painfully listened to the "I'm pregnant" excuse. I listened to the miserable delivery stories. I listened to the frustrating talks of the sleepless nights, countless diaper changer, extended recoveries all while wanting to switch places with them.

No one should feel guilty from being able to conceive. I do believe that you should be mindful of the people around you that are suffering and dreaming of your "announced problem." The months continued to pass. People given us countless advice, tips, and so called tricks to try. Believe me, we have tried them all. A year and a half in, I prayed that the Lord would take this from me. I was not strong enough to carry this on my own. I prayed that he would give Jamin a heart of understanding and compassion to walk with me through this time. I prayed that God would give me blinders when I needed them, but that he would teach me things when I needed to learn as well. Even through given this over to the Lord, I still struggle with picking the burden up daily. Countless nights in the bed crying. Countless anger sessions. Countless feelings of NUMBNESS. We are believers, so we know that God has a perfect will for our life, but there is also a reality that God has given me the desire to be a mom. This is a desire I want more than MOST things in life. Over the next few months we would continue to grow not only individually, but as a married couple.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Continue to pray for our family as we walk through this valley together. I will continue to share our journey along the way, hoping to love and impact the lives of other couples walking through this very storm.